If it hadn’t rained,
Our world would have been much brighter;
Letting the birds see other,
To echo the world with laughter
If it hadn’t rained
Oh it poured so heavily,
Spreading words like droplets
Piercing its edge into me
Making me blame someone else
Who could stop the rain?
Who could stop the words?
And who would know the pain –
that my little heart bears?
It was 4.00pm and another working day had come to an end and there was a small large gathering on the veranda outside my classroom. Josan, as usual, was delivering some of his usual stuff at which everyone was laughing. Tebin was busy arguing with Prijeesh on the acting skills of Mohanlal versus Mammootty. Titten, combing his long hair, was trying to impress Renu with his rhetoric.
I was there, leaning on one of those old brick-coloured pillars of the “Mar Kurialasserry Arts Block”. I was not thinking of the part that I was doing in Christopher Marlowe’s – “Dr. Faustus”. After all Wagner was not a significant character in the adapted version of the play that we were enacting. Neither was I thinking about those dark clouds marching in unison. I hardly noticed them.
My mind was full of thoughts of Anu – the smart girl from the junior batch. Mr. Josy Joseph, their mentor, had not dismissed the class yet. I was waiting, in fact dying to meet her. There was nothing extraordinary about her. She was one lean figure, 5ft three inches tall, “fair”, dark eyed and her hair cut at shoulder length. She had a deep voice, for which I always tripped on her.
The pale green cotton salwar was looking good on her. The carefully folded dupatta looked as if it was pinned on to the salwar. She saw me and smiled at me. I was just waiting for that and moved towards her.
“Hi”
“Hi da. Josy sir was talking about some play that they are doing.”
“Which play?”
“I don’t know. Some doctor or something.”
“Ha ha.. It is Dr. Fautus by Christopher Marlow. Dint I tell you yesterday?”
“Did you? You know na, that i’m not that interested in all these stuff.”
“Then why did you take up English?”
“Because... Hmmm.. I don’t know” Her face sulked.
That was the last thing I wanted to see. How can I ever hurt her even with an innocent question?
“Hey Anu, would you like to have a Chocolate? Here take it.”
A smile suddenly beamed on her face. What a beautiful smile... I didn’t tell her that I had literally begged Gijo for that one aphrodisiac. His Aunt, it seems, had returned from the US and got him a box full of chocolates and other gifts.
“Da, do you want half of it?”
“No dear. You have it. I have many more in my room. Gijo gave us all quite a few of these.” !!!
“Mmm.. This tastes so good”
“Yeah.. I know.. I had two Snickers in the morning. So, aren’t you going home?”
“Oh yes. I am.. I am just going to enjoy the weekend at home. What about you?”
“I have that play practice happening in some time. Will be able to leave for home only once it gets over. Chal, I’ll come with u to the gate.”
We walked together through the grass that had covered the hockey ground, towards the gate near the college post office. I didn’t see all those fellow creatures meandering towards the comforts of their homes. I could see only her; I could hear only her; I could smell only that perfume that she had on her dress.
We had passed the post office and the gate adjacent to it long time ago. But I realised it, only when the first warning came from the heavens.
“Anu, do you have an umbrella? I think its already drizzling.”
“Thank God. Amma had reminded me to take it in the morning. I have it here inside my bag.”
She was standing on the roadside, searching for the three-fold Johns umbrella in her bag. A few strands of her smooth hair had fallen on her face in front of her eyes and I could see little droplets clinging on to them.
Suddenly she looked up with a smile and took out the umbrella from her bag. It was one of the most beautiful things that I had ever seen in my life. The combination of all those colours.. The various shades of green, the dark clouds, the violet umbrella.. everything looked like a colourful palette and in the middle of it all, she was there – the artist’s masterpiece.
“Juby, what will you do? You don’t have an umbrella.”
I woke up from that dream and without even thinking anything, told her, “Its not a problem. I’ll run back to college.”
“Hey that won’t help. You’ll get wet. There is not even one building till the end of the road. You won’t be able to find any shelter. You come with me.”
Did I hear the right thing? I kept staring at her as if I didn’t hear what she said.
“DA.. COME UNDER THE UMBRELLA. You’ll catch a cold.”
The clouds shouted something else at me. But I was not going to listen.
We both walked along the road ignoring those quirking eyebrows around us. My right hand was almost touching her left hand as we both were holding on to the umbrella. Evading the numerous pools of muddy water and the stares we walked against the strong wind towards the bus station. That was the closest I had ever got to a girl and I was not listening to all that she was saying. I was just blushing like a small kid who had got a priceless gift.
Did I hear her saying, “if any of my dad’s friends spots us like this.. then that is the end of it.” I chose to ignore it.
I got back to college all high spirited in an auto and paid the guy, the 10 bucks that I had borrowed from her. Straight to the drama practice.
There was not a single minute that weekend that I didn’t think of her. I had to wait till Monday morning to learn that she was gone forever, leaving the puddles behind.
Friday, September 26, 2008
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Chuck the Chandelier
And God said, "Let there be light," and there was light. (Gen 1:3 NIV)
Have you ever stood in awe looking at those huge and beautiful chandeliers that decorated those old church buildings out there? Well, I have. As a kid, I was so proud of the fact that my church had a real big chandelier in its altar. There was a huge debate where to install the sixteen-bulb piece when it was donated to the church some filthy rich member of our church. The Vicar of that time decided to have it in the altar, hoping that at least would shift the congregation’s attention to the altar (and to himself) for a while.
[image courtesy: the ubiquitous google]
Last May, I had been to a small church – as small as a 40 student classroom – in Bangalore. The room (Church) was part of a multi-storeyed building that houses shops, and other establishments. It looked like a very humble place from the outside. But once I entered, I was taken aback by the sight that I saw there. They had a proper stage with all the musical instruments that you can think of. What surprised me even more was the presence of an array of disco lights!!! Yeah, the dedicated light operator changed colours and the intensity of the lights as the songs and the prayers reached a crescendo. What a “dramatic” effect. I could feel the “spirit” filling every one present there (almost everyone. There were other newcomers like me who were gaping at the whole setup).
The Church at Mavelikara, Kerala, is more than 160 years old and was huge enough to house the mammoth light installation. The Church in Bangalore was an independent church and was therefore a new one. They didn’t have all those chandeliers may be because they found those kind of lights too traditional for a modern congregation.
Whatever it be, have we ever thought on the ecological impact of all those high wattage installations in our worship places? We talk about “green parishes” these days, where the church authorities put up a “plastic-free zone” and declare it a green parish. Having a plastic free environment is good but, it is high time that we tuned our sensibilities to other issues like that of Greenhouse gas emissions and energy conservation. It is quite strange to realise that the electricity that we depend on, almost everything – including reading this post – is not clean energy. Most of it comes from burning coal or other fuel to turn the turbines, which in turn produce electricity [burning of even a wooden log emits CO2]. Even the Hydro power, that some of our states extensively use, is not that green, as the dams submerge hectares of green cover.
I am not competent enough to calculate the energy consumption (dumb ass)even though the formula is quite simple [watts x hours per day x days per year ÷ 1000]. I should infer from the length of the formula, that the consumption of a 16 bulb chandelier should be quite high, let alone those halogen lights that “illuminate” the buildings through the night. Yeah the church is rich enough to pay its bills, but there is more to it.
God asked Adam to be the protector of His creation. He gave Adam the right to use the resources but not to exterminate it. As a responsible institution, the churches of the world, should take up the lead in energy conservation programmes by making the first step in their own buildings. After all, cutting down on lights is far more easier than doing away with the air conditioning system and way inexpensive than setting up solar panels on the roofs of the church buildings... Well that can actually be the second step.
Percapita greenhouse gas emisions by countries in 2000
[image courtsey: Wikipedia]
Have you ever stood in awe looking at those huge and beautiful chandeliers that decorated those old church buildings out there? Well, I have. As a kid, I was so proud of the fact that my church had a real big chandelier in its altar. There was a huge debate where to install the sixteen-bulb piece when it was donated to the church some filthy rich member of our church. The Vicar of that time decided to have it in the altar, hoping that at least would shift the congregation’s attention to the altar (and to himself) for a while.
[image courtesy: the ubiquitous google]
Last May, I had been to a small church – as small as a 40 student classroom – in Bangalore. The room (Church) was part of a multi-storeyed building that houses shops, and other establishments. It looked like a very humble place from the outside. But once I entered, I was taken aback by the sight that I saw there. They had a proper stage with all the musical instruments that you can think of. What surprised me even more was the presence of an array of disco lights!!! Yeah, the dedicated light operator changed colours and the intensity of the lights as the songs and the prayers reached a crescendo. What a “dramatic” effect. I could feel the “spirit” filling every one present there (almost everyone. There were other newcomers like me who were gaping at the whole setup).
The Church at Mavelikara, Kerala, is more than 160 years old and was huge enough to house the mammoth light installation. The Church in Bangalore was an independent church and was therefore a new one. They didn’t have all those chandeliers may be because they found those kind of lights too traditional for a modern congregation.
Whatever it be, have we ever thought on the ecological impact of all those high wattage installations in our worship places? We talk about “green parishes” these days, where the church authorities put up a “plastic-free zone” and declare it a green parish. Having a plastic free environment is good but, it is high time that we tuned our sensibilities to other issues like that of Greenhouse gas emissions and energy conservation. It is quite strange to realise that the electricity that we depend on, almost everything – including reading this post – is not clean energy. Most of it comes from burning coal or other fuel to turn the turbines, which in turn produce electricity [burning of even a wooden log emits CO2]. Even the Hydro power, that some of our states extensively use, is not that green, as the dams submerge hectares of green cover.
I am not competent enough to calculate the energy consumption (dumb ass)even though the formula is quite simple [watts x hours per day x days per year ÷ 1000]. I should infer from the length of the formula, that the consumption of a 16 bulb chandelier should be quite high, let alone those halogen lights that “illuminate” the buildings through the night. Yeah the church is rich enough to pay its bills, but there is more to it.
God asked Adam to be the protector of His creation. He gave Adam the right to use the resources but not to exterminate it. As a responsible institution, the churches of the world, should take up the lead in energy conservation programmes by making the first step in their own buildings. After all, cutting down on lights is far more easier than doing away with the air conditioning system and way inexpensive than setting up solar panels on the roofs of the church buildings... Well that can actually be the second step.
Percapita greenhouse gas emisions by countries in 2000
[image courtsey: Wikipedia]
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
The End of the World?
The world's most expensive experiment is to take place today, triggering a lot of questions regarding the ethics of scientists who are supposedly letting the future of our planet hang itself precariously onto a question mark.
The $7.7 billion project is aimed at recreating the conditions of the Big Bang, which scientists believe created the universe. The experiment will be caried out in the "Large Hadron Collider", in an underground ring tunnel of 27 kilometres beneath the French-Swiss border) that will smash sub-atomic particles together at nearly the speed of light.
A key aim of the experiment is to find the Higgs boson, the so-called "God particle" that some theorists believe gives matter its mass. But the experiment could shed light on other mysteries like the existence of supersymmetry, dark matter and dark energy.
Some critics claim it will create "black holes" of intense gravity that could implode the Earth, or that it will open the way for beings from another universe to invade through a "worm hole" in space-time.
Some scientists even say that all this could lead to a Biblical Armageddon where there will be "cloud and fire" and the energy produced from the resulting black holes can lead to "catastrophes such as earthquakes and tsunamis".
Whatever be it, I got a call from one of my friends late in the night yesterday saying, "in case the world comes to an end tonight"!!!
Lets wait and watch to find out what really happens. Till then, Hold on tight folks.
The $7.7 billion project is aimed at recreating the conditions of the Big Bang, which scientists believe created the universe. The experiment will be caried out in the "Large Hadron Collider", in an underground ring tunnel of 27 kilometres beneath the French-Swiss border) that will smash sub-atomic particles together at nearly the speed of light.
A key aim of the experiment is to find the Higgs boson, the so-called "God particle" that some theorists believe gives matter its mass. But the experiment could shed light on other mysteries like the existence of supersymmetry, dark matter and dark energy.
Some critics claim it will create "black holes" of intense gravity that could implode the Earth, or that it will open the way for beings from another universe to invade through a "worm hole" in space-time.
Some scientists even say that all this could lead to a Biblical Armageddon where there will be "cloud and fire" and the energy produced from the resulting black holes can lead to "catastrophes such as earthquakes and tsunamis".
Whatever be it, I got a call from one of my friends late in the night yesterday saying, "in case the world comes to an end tonight"!!!
Lets wait and watch to find out what really happens. Till then, Hold on tight folks.
Friday, September 5, 2008
Missing Onam
This is my fourth year that I am staying away from home during “Onam” the biggest (consumer) festival in the mallu land (We are expected to bust 5 crores of rupees this year!!!) What i miss about Onam is the opportunity to be with one’s relatives and friends, relaxing, engaging in various pastimes and eating well.
The Onam holidays we used to have back home used to be great. Visiting, friends and family, engaging in games and in pure gluttony almost the entire week, munching on homemade banana chips and getting satiated with the tastiest of “payasams” that amma makes, bullying my sister every 10 minutes, watching loads of movies on TV, plucking flowers for the athappookkalam (floral decoration) from the neighbours houses and cheering for those ‘pulikkali’ artists who visit home dressed in colourful costumes.. are all memories that just resist to fade out.
Onam is not part of people of one religious identity. It is part of all those Malayalees who have been celebrating it from their childhood days. It is a tradition that has etched itself into the culture and identity of the Malayalee community. There might be strong contention that it is all just based on the Myth of the Asura king Mahabali, during whose reign there was total equality and people lived happily. The Gods played spoilsport there by approaching lord Vishnu to find a “solution”. Vishnu took the avatar of Vamana – a Brahmin boy and asked for three feet of land to meditate. Mahabali, being a philanthropic, readily agreed and asked Vamana to measure it by himself and take the land. The myth goes on to say that Vamana grew into a giant sort of person and measured the whole of the earth in one feet and the whole of the skies in the second. He didn’t have any place left to measure the third feet. Having given his word, Mahabali had no other option but to show his head to be measured.
Before sending Mahabali to hell, Vamana granted Mahabali’s wish to visit his people and his Kingdom once every year. We celebrate this day as Onam, where we try to recreate those good old times under Mahabali’s reign.
Every home will have good food and will have a beautiful floral decoration in front of it welcoming Mahabali. The children, women and men will engage in various pastimes ranging from games to dances to street theatre. The famous snake-boat races happen during the month in which Onam falls. Everyone is in a festive mood. The government, the media and even the church celebrates it with much fanfare.
For me, I just loved being at home with my family and friends. I miss Onam, I miss my family.
On being a "Mallu"
If someone asks me, “What about you do you try to hide the most at your workplace?”, my answer would be, “The fact that I am a MALLU!”
“Dude, it is so obvious in your looks and your accent is typical MALLU! What the f**k are you trying to hide here?” I suppose this would be my friend Handel’s comment, if I tell him that.
Deliberately or not so deliberately I keep trying to conceal my mallu identity whenever I move out of my room here in Chennai. Here are a couple of examples:
I regularly buy two newspapers a day –“The Hindu” and “Malayala Manorama”. I make sure that the Malayalam daily is well concealed inside the English one.
I never move out of my room in a ‘lungi’ or a dhoti/veshti/mundu (doesn’t imply that I go around nude)
What a Hypocrite.. All this is while more than 90% of my friends are mallus and I enjoy everything mallu – be it the food, entrainment, news or the land.
But why do I try to conceal that identity of mine? Is being a mallu something bad? That is not something that I decided upon. It just so happened that I was born to a Mallu couple, who work and reside in Kerala. I spent 20 long years of my life there inculcating all the malluness (both +ve and –ve) without my knowledge.
The non-mallus out there, most of the time, look at us with apathy. Why? May be because we “infest” all places and try to boss around. Let us not, even for a second, think that these “non-mallus” are racist. It is more because of the way we treat them in their land. We fail to respect the local customs and traditions and understand the sentiments of the land.
In our accented ‘Ingleesh’ we go around telling people that our ‘grand fathurs lénd ingleesh frum thi inglessh peepil” evoking peels of laughter from every “coorner”. To tell you the truth we never understand what you are laughing at. And we generally don’t tolerate people laughing at us, even though we are really good at mocking others in public. Most of the time what we think is that you are laughing because you found us real humorous. “Thaangue”, we would say.
When would we learn to accommodate others? When would we learn to respect those who are not from our Kottayam and our Kozhikkode?
I realise that than concealing my identity, I should work on my attitude towards those people who are the real owners of this land.
*I think i should add that the above mentioned features just make it a caricature. There are a whole lot of good and lovable Malayalees out here. Hope you have met at least a few.
“Dude, it is so obvious in your looks and your accent is typical MALLU! What the f**k are you trying to hide here?” I suppose this would be my friend Handel’s comment, if I tell him that.
Deliberately or not so deliberately I keep trying to conceal my mallu identity whenever I move out of my room here in Chennai. Here are a couple of examples:
I regularly buy two newspapers a day –“The Hindu” and “Malayala Manorama”. I make sure that the Malayalam daily is well concealed inside the English one.
I never move out of my room in a ‘lungi’ or a dhoti/veshti/mundu (doesn’t imply that I go around nude)
What a Hypocrite.. All this is while more than 90% of my friends are mallus and I enjoy everything mallu – be it the food, entrainment, news or the land.
But why do I try to conceal that identity of mine? Is being a mallu something bad? That is not something that I decided upon. It just so happened that I was born to a Mallu couple, who work and reside in Kerala. I spent 20 long years of my life there inculcating all the malluness (both +ve and –ve) without my knowledge.
The non-mallus out there, most of the time, look at us with apathy. Why? May be because we “infest” all places and try to boss around. Let us not, even for a second, think that these “non-mallus” are racist. It is more because of the way we treat them in their land. We fail to respect the local customs and traditions and understand the sentiments of the land.
In our accented ‘Ingleesh’ we go around telling people that our ‘grand fathurs lénd ingleesh frum thi inglessh peepil” evoking peels of laughter from every “coorner”. To tell you the truth we never understand what you are laughing at. And we generally don’t tolerate people laughing at us, even though we are really good at mocking others in public. Most of the time what we think is that you are laughing because you found us real humorous. “Thaangue”, we would say.
When would we learn to accommodate others? When would we learn to respect those who are not from our Kottayam and our Kozhikkode?
I realise that than concealing my identity, I should work on my attitude towards those people who are the real owners of this land.
*I think i should add that the above mentioned features just make it a caricature. There are a whole lot of good and lovable Malayalees out here. Hope you have met at least a few.
Ben jamin my ex-roommate
Not many of us land up in a job that we would love to do. And those who actually do what they love doing are called the lucky ones. May be it is not just luck, that took them to the places they continue to tread. It can be more of hard work, perseverance (Yeah the usual lines, I know) and among most of those people, the capacity to say to oneself – “Chill out dude”
Benjamin Cherian Mathew (23 yrs) is one among those who has the presence of mind to say that to himself (at least he acts so). Benji has been on a break from studies for the past two years now. He has upto a lot of things now. For one year he worked for the Americans from his office in India paying a close watch on their economy, while his country was sleeping through those nights.
He quit that job some in an effort to bring his biological clock back to the IST. Not really. He was just too tired interacting with a virtual world. He wanted to come back to the ‘real’ world and interact with real people than with those login names that pop up on the LCD screen in the cubicle. The break didn’t last long. Soon he joined an ad agency, a pretty decent firm with a name in Chennai. He has some BIG names as his clients who keep him busy through the week and even the weekends.
I joined Ben at his place when I had almost nowhere else to go. There were no agreements signed, no formalities of any sort.. He just opened the doors of his home for me – just like that. He even moved out of the bedroom to the living room (also used as the dumping place), so that I could have lots of space for myself. He left his laptop at home with me, so that I could search and find a job and also so that I would not feel much bored at home.
We stayed together for almost more than a month. But the funny thing was that we got to spend some time together only a couple of days in the span of one and a half months, that just flew away before we even realized it. I used to be senseless (not high or anything of that sort.. Just deep sleep). Sometimes he would tell me that I had woken up and spoken to him. But I still can’t remember anything of that sort. In the morning I would leave early for work and he hates to be woken up from sleep. Most of the days I therefore trained myself in developing the softest of ‘paws’ possible.
We got to speak to each other usually over the phone and found out what was happening on each others' end. I realized that there was nothing much in common between us. But we got along pretty well. I wonder how. May be it was mutual respect and some sort of affection that we all have towards those few with whom we have sung together – be it the Choir or “The Psalmists” – with all our differences of opinions, we somehow get along well. Strange but true.
Benji and I now live in two different places. But we still do keep in touch. Sometimes I do miss this ex-roommate whom I rarely gotta meet. Coz, more than a good friend, he is a true gentleman.
*Disclaimer: I am not gay. I'm not too sure of Benji though :)
Benjamin Cherian Mathew (23 yrs) is one among those who has the presence of mind to say that to himself (at least he acts so). Benji has been on a break from studies for the past two years now. He has upto a lot of things now. For one year he worked for the Americans from his office in India paying a close watch on their economy, while his country was sleeping through those nights.
He quit that job some in an effort to bring his biological clock back to the IST. Not really. He was just too tired interacting with a virtual world. He wanted to come back to the ‘real’ world and interact with real people than with those login names that pop up on the LCD screen in the cubicle. The break didn’t last long. Soon he joined an ad agency, a pretty decent firm with a name in Chennai. He has some BIG names as his clients who keep him busy through the week and even the weekends.
I joined Ben at his place when I had almost nowhere else to go. There were no agreements signed, no formalities of any sort.. He just opened the doors of his home for me – just like that. He even moved out of the bedroom to the living room (also used as the dumping place), so that I could have lots of space for myself. He left his laptop at home with me, so that I could search and find a job and also so that I would not feel much bored at home.
We stayed together for almost more than a month. But the funny thing was that we got to spend some time together only a couple of days in the span of one and a half months, that just flew away before we even realized it. I used to be senseless (not high or anything of that sort.. Just deep sleep). Sometimes he would tell me that I had woken up and spoken to him. But I still can’t remember anything of that sort. In the morning I would leave early for work and he hates to be woken up from sleep. Most of the days I therefore trained myself in developing the softest of ‘paws’ possible.
We got to speak to each other usually over the phone and found out what was happening on each others' end. I realized that there was nothing much in common between us. But we got along pretty well. I wonder how. May be it was mutual respect and some sort of affection that we all have towards those few with whom we have sung together – be it the Choir or “The Psalmists” – with all our differences of opinions, we somehow get along well. Strange but true.
Benji and I now live in two different places. But we still do keep in touch. Sometimes I do miss this ex-roommate whom I rarely gotta meet. Coz, more than a good friend, he is a true gentleman.
*Disclaimer: I am not gay. I'm not too sure of Benji though :)
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